Playing the Glad Game is Being Grateful

As many of you know, I study joy voraciously. In many, if not all, of the books and articles that I read, each author has at least one chapter about how the best way to discover joy is to be grateful. Test me. Read a book on joy and see. For me, that started with One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. That whole book is about discovering eucharisto (to be grateful; to give thanks). It’s a beautiful analogy using communion (The Last Supper) to discuss the importance of giving thanks. (I’ll let you read Ms. Voskamp’s book for more information.) As a result of reading One Thousand Gifts, I began my own Gratitude list, but rather than call it such, I referred to my list as “What brings me joy?” They mean the same thing, after all, and I wanted to be sure to use the word joy in my Gratitude list.

Thus started a journey that will never end for me. I am daily, hourly, each moment choosing to find something to be joyful about—to be grateful for because everything that brings me joy causes me to be grateful that it is in my life and everything that I am grateful for brings me great joy! See? It’s an unbreakable cycle that is well worth the few moments it takes me to make note of.

I no longer know how many “things” are on my list of what brings me joy—what I am grateful for. I stopped counting around 700+-something. In some ways, I envy Voskamp’s ability to actually continue to number her list, but yet, even from the start, I wanted my list to be my own list. I do not mind taking an idea from someone else, but ultimately, I have to take that person’s idea and make it uniquely mine even if what is changed is nothing more than what I call it. That is important to me. So I have no idea any longer exactly how many items are on my gratitude list. Big deal. What is important is that I have continued keeping my list and I will continue to do so.

By the way, as I said, there are a number of books wherein the authors discuss the importance of gratitude on our joy journey:

1. Fight Back with Joy by Margaret Feinberg
2. How Happiness Happens by Max Lucado
3. Bursting with Happiness by Lisa Dimino White
4. Fresh Joy by Heidi McLaughlin

And the list goes on. These are just a few to give you an idea to get started if you so choose to read about joy and its direct relationship with gratitude.

One book that many might not think belongs on this list is Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter.

Wait a minute, Polly. Pollyanna is someone who is overly exuberant or enthusiastic. How in the world does gratitude fit in with someone who only sees the glass half full all the time?

It goes like this: Pollyanna’s dad teaches her to play The Glad Game one day when they had opened the missionary barrel they had received and Pollyanna is, once again, disappointed because there isn’t a doll. Seeing her disappointment, Pollyanna’s dad comes up with The Glad Game wherein they would find something to be glad about in spite of their disappointment. Since he made a game out of it, it becomes something fun for Pollyanna to do, so she continues doing it even after his death.

While many have decided that Pollyanna’s ability to find something to be glad about even in the midst of disappointment to be overly optimistic, they miss the whole point of what Pollyanna’s dad was teaching his daughter: to be grateful—no matter what and regardless of her circumstances. He helped his daughter begin her own Gratitude list, something which she continued to use throughout her life.

Like me calling my list “What brings me joy?” Pollyanna calls it playing the Glad Game, but both boil down to the exact same thing Ann Voskamp did when she began writing her list of what she is grateful for. The only difference between each of our lists is what we call it.

Ann Voskamp literally calls her list a Gratitude List.

I call my list of what I am grateful for “What brings me Joy?”

Pollyanna creates her own list of what she is grateful for by playing The Glad Game.

So. . .if you, too, want joy in your life (and peace and hope and so much more), will you begin keeping your own list of what makes you grateful? If so, what will you call your list?

Helping even 1.60th

When I read this quote in #MargaretFeinberg‘s book #tasteandsee, Chapter 5: “A Dash of Sea Salt” (p. 114), I found myself having to stop and re-read it and then underline it and then share it on Facebook and then talk about it with my Sunday School ladies and now write about it here. My brain just won’t let it go.

Thinking about how I can help take someone else’s pain even just 1/60th can make a difference and how that is “the call to help from God” Himself is no small thing, my friends. We are all inspired by stories of kindness, aren’t we? I hope we are. I get frustrated because there are so many other stories that aren’t getting recognized, but that’s not why we help one another, right? We do it because we feel that tug in our spirit–that “call to help from God.”

When I think about all the trials and struggles I have been through and the things that others have done for me to help ease my pain, I know they felt the “call to help from God” because they sure eased my 1/60th and then some.

Once, after one of my miscarriages, a friend and her daughter brought a whole meal for my husband and me from Bojangles because she knew how much I liked their food.

A friend went with me to a couple of my appointments to listen to my son’s heartbeat–non-stress tests–during my only viable pregnancy because my husband was unable to go with me. She chose to go with me rather than sleep during her hours of sleep time; she worked 3rd shift.

When I was in the hospital at death’s door, I almost constantly had

someone sitting with me: friends, family, loved ones. Some drove from four hours away. Some came from across town. I was passed out and barely knew they were in the room, but they came and sat with me and prayed over me anyway. And when I finally came home, they were there to provide meals and to help me with my recovery in a thousand different ways. Back at work, my co-workers took over my classes without question and never bothered me or made me feel guilty for having to be out for two months sick. In fact, I’m sure there are things that people did for me during that time that I’ll never know about simply because I was so sick. But God knows and each and every one helped that 1/60th ease my suffering.

Over the past year, after leaving my beloved, cherished, treasured job, I have had many people hug me, hold me, sit with me, hold my hand, listen to me, let me vent, let me cry, walk with me and talk with me. People have helped financially.

All of these could add up 60/60ths to ease my pain.

I wish, but at least each has helped ease 1/60th.

And the list goes on and on.

I wish I could list every single person who has hugged me and helped that 1/60th with his/her arms of love.

Or the students I have met as I have been out and about town who have provided words of encouragement that have given me another 1/60th of easement.

You know, we read books and we read books and we move on and may never think about the books we read again. If I get nothing else from this book (and believe me, I’ve already enjoyed the rest of it immensely), Taste and Seeis well worth reading.

Every single book I have ever read by Margaret Feinberg has had a powerful impact on me and on my life in some way, shape, form, or fashion. I am not praising her, necessarily; I am praising her obedience to our Lord and Savior for writing and sharing what is on her heart. In this chapter in which she is writing about how even helping ease someone’s burden 1/60th is a call from God, Margaret is talking about how we are the “salt of the earth”: we are to go help preserve, flourish, and flavor the earth–those around us as Believers of Jesus Christ. How do we do that? By sharing one another’s burdens even if in doing so, we are only able to do so a tiny bit: 1/60th.

My easement, call of God, of others’ burdens, I believe, is to share my JOY in whatever way I possibly can: my words, hugs, laughter, etc.

What is your 1/60th?

What does the Lord want me to learn regarding GENTLENESS?

In the past few weeks, the Lord has put the word “Gentleness” “in my face,” so to speak, at least 3 different times. One was the journal post (see below “Faith Writes” from my Facebook group “Praise Prompts”) and another was a journal prompt from Margaret Feinberg’s newest devotional Flourish. There has been a 3rd, but at this moment, I can’t remember the circumstances that brought it my mind.

Anyway, as I have been answering and responding to these prompts, obviously I became very aware of the fact that “gentleness” has kept popping up. As someone who has studied JOY for years and who continues to study JOY, and who determined at the end of 2016 that the Lord was giving me “Lion” for my 2017 word, it continues to puzzle me as to why “gentleness” has suddenly become something the Lord keeps laying on my heart. 

I honestly do feel as if I can give myself a 7 or 8 out of 10 on a “gentleness scale.” I feel like I try to be gentle and loving to all around me. I have moments, as anyone does, when I lose my temper and roar like a lion a little, but I still feel that I can say that I am more gentle than not. 

The definition of “gentleness,” straight from dictionary.com is:

1.

kindly; amiable: a gentle manner.

2.

not severe, rough, or violent; mild: a gentle wind; a gentle tap oon the shoulder.

I feel like I’m kindly and amiable–gentle in manner–with those around me. Yes, I can get really sarcastic and snarky, but it’s all in good fun…isn’t it???

I don’t think I’m severe, rough, or violent. Again, I am quite often pretty sarcastic, but I honestly don’t believe that being sarcastic makes me severe, rough, or violent. When students need me–need my help on an assignment or anything, really, I do everything in my power to work with them and to be as kind as I can possibly be–without letting them make excuses or get away with not doing the work. I try to discuss a fair compromise so that the student benefits–but I don’t get stuck trying to show favoritism or even being “severe.”

So then, why is God putting “gentleness” in my heart lately? What is He trying to tell me? To teach me? To show me? To get me to do? Or be? In all honesty, I’m struggling with this one. If you know me and have any thoughts or would like to join me in prayer regarding my discovering what God wants me to understand when it comes to “gentleness,” I invite your thoughts, ideas, and especially your prayers.

Faith Writes

Word:  Gentleness

Read:

You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. ~ 1 Peter 3:4

1 Peter 3:4New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

Investigate:

1.              How would you rate your level of gentleness? I have never thought about gentleness in terms of “rating my level of” it. Hmmmmmm. I suppose that if I would rate my level of gentleness on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being most gentle and 1 being least gentle, I’d have to give myself around 7 or 8. In recent years, I have dealt with extreme rage and I am still working on giving that to God and not getting overly worked up. I’m better than I was even just a year ago, but it’s still something that can rear its ugly head if I don’t stay in the Word or seeking Him every single day.

2.              How do others see you?  How would they describe you? I think that others see me as very gentle, at least my students do. Those who know me best and who are around me outside the classroom are very aware of how easily I can lose my temper. But I think they are all also aware of the fact that I have come a long way and I am much more gentle now than I’ve ever been. I know they receive a lot more hugs than they used to!!!! 😉

Technique:  5 Minute Sprint

Write for 5 minutes about the word Gentleness.  Write continuously without stopping.

Gentleness: I’ve honestly never given the word “gentleness” much thought beyond using it casually in conversation and/or in writing. I know that of the several times I have been in the hospital, the gentleness and loving care of my doctors, nurses, CNAs, etc. have all gone a long way in helping keep me calm during each procedure/surgery. While every single care giver has always been very gentle and quite wonderful, I have to say that the male nurses in particular have always been the most gentle. I don’t know if their instructors spend time teaching them that they have to be aware of the fact that they are much stronger than they may realize and how to have such a gentle touch, but I have been highly impressed with the gentleness of the male nurses I have had. This last time I was in the hospital (I had my gall bladder removed), the first nurse I had in recovery—as soon as I woke up from surgery—was not as nice as I have been used to. She wasn’t mean, but when I started crying and just wanted someone to hold my hand for a moment, she told me to calm down, I was alright, and that she had two patients to take care of—she didn’t have time to hold my hand. Thankfully I was too drugged still and under the effects of the anesthesia to allow her words or her tone to sink in too deep, but it is interesting to note that even more than a month later, I still remember her lack of gentleness and compassion with me. I have had a large number of amazingly gentle and compassionate nurses and others in the health care field, but that one nurse just really hurt my feelings. All I wanted was for someone to hold my hand for just a moment while I woke up and calmed down.

Evaluate:  Write one or two sentences that sum up what you have discovered after completing your sprint and questions.

No matter how gentle the majority of people are around us, it only takes one non-gentle person to make me feel less than. I need to keep reminding myself of all the wonderful health care individuals who have cared for me with amazing gentleness and tender loving care.

–        The nurse immediately after waking up from my first D&C who held my hand and shared her own story of loss and crooned soft words of comfort to me until I quit crying.

–        Every single person who came to my son’s funeral—the gentleness and care of their hugs and loving kindness still makes my heart feel full to bursting.

–        The care and gentleness of everyone involved when we lost our firstborn to stillbirth. Since I still go to the doctor who delivered our precious James Isaac, clearly he and his team were gentleness personified.

While I have never really taken time to think carefully about gentleness beyond using it casually in conversation or writing, it is clear that gentleness is something I find very important in the people around me—especially in those who care for me—in the health-care field as well as my loved ones.

Quite possibly one of THE best movies EVER

Almost every semester, I show the movie Life as a House as a lead-in to one of our essays in my freshman comp class. I use it differently almost every time I use it, but I always find a way to make it work. I LOVE this movie.

Years ago (the movie came out in 1999 or 2000 or sometime thereabouts), I was visiting my sister and we decided to watch a movie on-demand. We settled on this movie, Life as a House. If you’ve ever seen it, you know that it has a VERY rough beginning. In all honesty, it’s the type of beginning that makes you wonder why we continued watching it. As a Christian, I was having a very difficult time with the language as well as the subject matter. My sister and I discussed turning it off, but we decided that it seemed to have a point, so we were going to give it a little longer before we turned it off.

Then, just as the  movie was making a turn for the better, the lights went out. A storm had been raging outside for quite a while, but we didn’t feel it necessary to turn off everything. When the lights went out, we both screamed and then asked each other if we thought the movie would go back to where we were. We were quite upset at being interrupted during the movie.

It was then that I realized that this movie might have had a rough beginning, but it was making a powerful impact on me.

By the end of the movie, we were both crying buckets. Ever since then, Life as a House has been one of those movies I tell everyone I can to watch and I make people watch it even if they don’t want to!

I bring it up here in this blog about finding Joy Regardless of life’s circumstances because in the movie, George, the main character played by Kevin Kline, tells his son Sam, played by Hayden Christenson, “You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don’t even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don’t even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me.”  

I have experienced such change both ways–change for the worse and change for the better–and both have been “so constant [I didn’t] even feel the difference until there [was] one.” Prior to my explosion at my husband a few short years ago, I knew something was wrong, but life was going on….I was getting done what needed to be done…I was functioning. I went to school. I went to church. I did my job. I talked to my son. I read. But I wasn’t LIVING. I was a body moving around with no real soul. I was angry, depressed, spiritless, lifeless, and worst of all, I hated myself and my life. I didn’t even realize just how bad things were until I couldn’t control my anger towards my husband. I had found my way into the very back recesses of my cave (see previous posts) and I hadn’t even realized I was in such incredible darkness.

I had to go away for a time to collect and pull myself together. (Thank you, Fairhaven Ministries.) 

Since that time, I have been consistently reading my Bible. I’ve been doing a daily Bible reading plan to read through the Bible each year. I haven’t finished it every year since then, but I’ve continued to read my Bible, regardless. 

I have done any number of Bible studies, most of which have been on Joy: Kay Warren’s Choose Joy; Margaret Feinberg’s Fight Back with Joy; Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts; Joyce Meyer’s Seven Things that Steal Your Joy; as well as anything else I have been able to get my hands on regarding joy.

I began counseling–again–with a trusted counselor. I started going every week at first and then gradually worked down to doing just once a month. 

I got back into church. I had quit going for a while because I was just too overwhelmed with everything. Yes, I know….my husband is a pastor and I QUIT going to church. But I couldn’t handle it. I’ve started teaching Sunday School again! That’s a big one!

And, as I mentioned in my previous post, I began exercising/working out recently! I’m MOVING in some way, shape, form, or fashion at minimum 5 out of 7 days during the week! And I’m loving it–well, I’m enjoying it a whole lot more than I ever expected! 🙂

My point is that just as change was so constant in the direction of “worse” that I wasn’t truly aware of what was happening, but it was also so constant in the direction of “better” without my being FULLY aware of what has been happening. I’ve felt better, but I haven’t been fully AWARE of things being better….until recently.

And it’s wonderful. Just as George realized that he was no longer going to let the “yucky” stuff in his life keep him from living, he consciously CHOOSES to LIVE. To make a life…to build a life, as George says: “I always thought of myself as a house. I was always what I lived in. It didn’t need to be big. It didn’t even need to be beautiful. It just needed to be mine. I became what I was meant to be. I built myself a life. I built myself a house.”

I don’t see myself as a house as he does. My analogy is of being in a dark, scary, horrific cave and rather than building a house to build my life, I came out of the cave, out of the darkness, and into the light! I don’t need to be beautiful (to others). I just need to live my life the best I can, being a shining light for my Lord who has led me out of darkness and into the light!

I came out of the darkness and into the light…I have built myself a life of joy through the power of the Holy Spirit. And just as George’s house is amazing and shows the positive changes in his life, the fact that God has sealed my cave shut shows the positive, wonderful changes in my own life.

So while my story is different from George’s, the essence, the point is the same: we both realized life STUNK and we made conscious choices to change and make life better. George built a house to demonstrate the positive changes in his life. God is anointing me with His oil of JOY more than on anyone else! He is using me as a light to shine for Joy for him. 

I am becoming more and more what God has always meant for me to be, and I can’t wait to see what God does in and with me next!!!

Learning to Fight back with Joy

Margaret Feinberg, Fight Back with Joy

As 2008 came to an end, I bought my new datebook on a whim–it was a beautiful, purple engraved leather-bound book with “Joy” beautifully embroidered on the cover.  Little did I know when I made that purchase that God was already working in me to pour out His oil of Joy on me more than anyone else.  (Psalm 45:7 & Hebrews 1:9)

Prior to that time, I had suffered a stillbirth and two miscarriages–both at approximately 11 weeks.  My marriage was crumbling and my health was going downhill faster than I realized…until at the end of 2009, I found myself in the hospital at death’s door–truly.  I had to have emergency surgery to save my life where I was given an ostomy bag that I had to wear for the next three months.  Praise God, the doctor reversed the surgery at the end of those three months and removed 8 inches of my colon.  A few months later, I had another surgery because of severe bleeding.  This surgery truly brought any hopes of a future pregnancy to a screeching halt.

I did NOT handle these challenges with grace, dignity, or joy.  There was a lot of depression, severe anxiety, and, quite possibly worst of all, Rage.  

In the midst of all the health issues, I also had to deal with a boss at work who clearly had decided that it was time for me to leave.

My life was a mess, in complete shambles.  I was a broken, beaten, wounded warrior unable to stand any longer on my own. 

In the midst of this mess, God met me.  In spite of the darkness of my days (literally and figuratively), I continued reading everything I could get my hands on about Joy–most specifically, the Joy that comes from the Lord.  I have marked every single verse in every single Bible I own that uses Joy.  I have purchased and read one book after another on Joy.  I have done one Bible study after another on Joy.  

I clung to my study on Joy as if my life depended on it.  In so many ways that I will more than likely never know, it did.  God has used my study on Joy to bring me out of a deep, dark, black, lonely cave of depression, anxiety, fear, and Rage.  I am still on the path to full and complete Joy, but at least I am out of my cave and well on my way to complete healing!

As I read through Margaret Feinberg’s book Fight Back with Joy, I

was amazed at how God has used Joy to help Margaret fight cancer while also using Joy to help me find Joy regardless of my circumstances.  I am excited to see that while our stories (especially our studies on Joy) have many similarities, God is using Margaret to demonstrate how we must Fight the trials and tribulations in our lives with Joy and how so often, it is a fight to live the fullness of God’s Joy.  Just as we so often give God a sacrifice of Praise, it is the same with Joy–we must sacrifice our feelings to fight back with Joy.  It is that sacrifice that brings Joy into our lives even though we didn’t feel Joy when we started!

I am so excited to have read Margaret’s book and to meet her at next year’s Women of Joy Conference.  One way or another, I WILL get there!

God is using JOY in a powerful way in the lives of many….How is He using Joy in Your Life???

Margaret also has a 6-session Bible study to go with the book:  FIGHT BACK WITH JOY

Posted in my other blog first:  http://pandapaw48.blogspot.com/